8th MEETING - Step 4; Instructions 3-5
On Your Own:
Follow instructions 3-5
With the Group:
Read Instruction 3 through 5 and discuss any problem you are having.
INSTRUCTION 3 - Resentment Analysis
DO NOT BEGIN THIS ANALYSIS UNTIL YOU HAVE COMPLETED YOUR LIST
Then analyze each resentment separately. The Fourth Step will mean very little unless we come to understand and learn from our individual resentments. The following procedure has proved helpful to others:
(a) Purchase a spiral notebook and open it so that you have a blank page on each side of the spiral in the center. With a ruler, draw a vertical line down the center of each blank page dividing it into two halves; you now have four
columns. Turn the page and repeat this procedure until
several pages have been divided in this manner.
(b) Label each of the four columns:
Column 1 - "Name"
Column 2 -"Cause"
Column 3 - "Affect"
Column 4 - (Leave this column unlabeled)
INSTRUCTION 4 Who did what?
Take one resentment at a time from your grudge list and enter it in Column 1. Then complete Columns 2 and 3 as described below. Complete the analysis of each resentment before going on to the next one on the grudge list:
(a) Take the first name from your grudge list and write it on the first page under Column 1.
(b) In Column 2, write a few words to describe each and every event or circumstance you can recall which caused you to resent the person named in Column 1.
This is a very important part of the analysis. We learn from specific events, not from general complaints. For example, we learn little from the complaint "He lied a lot," but we learn much from "He told me he wasn't married."
Instruction 5 The Result
In column 3, opposite each of the events listed in Column 2, write the reason the event or circumstance bothered you. Ask yourself.'
(a) Having decided who was at fault, did I go further in my study of this event?
(b) Did I try to retaliate, fight back or run? What was the result? Did it help?
(c) Is it clear to me that a life
which includes one of these resentments leads only to futility and unhappiness?
(d) Has the resentment ever benefited
me in anyway, or have I squandered hours thinking about it.? (e)
Do I understand that these thoughts separate me from the "sunlight of the
Spirit" God)? (f) Do I
realize that these resentful thoughts lead to insanity of the first drink and
that for me to drink is to die? (g)
Do I understand that through our thoughts and our reactions to people, places
and things the world and its people dominate us?
(h) Do I understand that until I pass
beyond the point of blaming myself or others there can be no growth or
solution?
(I) Can I forgive?
Realize that many people have the same problem with life that you have and
that many of them are spiritually sick. Honestly pray the Fourth Step prayer:
"God, help me show (Name)______ the same tolerance, pity and patience I
would cheerfully grant a sick friend. ________(Name) is a sick man. How can I
be helpful to him? Save me from being angry. Thy Will be done."
From this point forward we try to avoid retaliation or argument.
(end of assignment)
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